Are you here? Are you really hearing me?

Have you found yourself listening to someone, and whilst you are listening (hearing them) you are in fact:
* thinking about your to do list;
* can’t wait to butt in and say your 5 cents;
* thinking when are they going to stop talking;
* looking at your phone;
* listening to another conversation;
* thinking what can you eat next!

The same can go for when you are reading a book. You’ve read a whole page and then thought, what did I just read? Unconsciously or consciously your mind was else where. Simply you were not present. You were not taking in the words.

Do any of these sounds familiar? You may have your own list of distractions. What it is showing is that you are not present. You are not actively listening. I’ll be the first to put my hand up and say I do the above and probably a few more unconsciously when someone is talking to me, I’ll also admit I am aware of it and working on changing this behaviour.

There is nothing better, and no doubt we’ve had these conversations when you FELT HEARD. Can you remember a time when you were talking about a subject to your friend or partner and they are LOOKING at you, ACKNOWLEDGING you ( a head nod, a smile, a look) and just ALLOWING you to talk. It could be about your shitty day, to how you cooked the dinner to something that is quite emotional for you. The fact you felt listened too can mean the world for someone. It does to me 🙂

Listening comes in many forms… Did you know that?
You can HEAR the words. Ask for clarification if you need
You can be present – solely focus on the person. Put your phone down! Look them in the eye
You WATCH the person and their physiology – eyes, body movement. Tears in eyes could mean they are emotional
HEAR the tone of the voice. When someones shows emotion such as anger, frustration, happiness & sadness it shows up in the voice/tone…
Stop THINKING about what else is going on in your head, and pay attention to the person communicating with you.
Don’t GUESS what’s going on for the person.

PAY ATTENTION & RESPECT

Listening is a SKILL. We can all build on a skill and make it stronger.

Next time someone starts having a conversation with you. Leave your head and be there with that person. Watch them, hear them and be there in the moment and respect. Note how much you pick up on from what the person ISN’T saying. Sometimes there is more in what’s NOT spoken.

Fe x

If I smile, you’ll smile too.

Have you noticed when you meet someone, new or old and they smile, you smile too? Or maybe you smile first and they smile too? Have you noticed? Think to the last time you greeted someone. What did you do? Specifically with your facial expression. 🙂

What else did you notice?
Does it feel ‘good’ inside? Like you are smiling inside?
Does it make your body relaxed?
Does it speed up your heart rate?
Does it change the tone of your voice?

On my daily walks I’ve really started to notice the amount of people who smile and those that don’t. When someone smiles at me first, I immediately return the smile and a friendly “HELLO!!!” It’s infectious!
Inside it makes me feel light, and bubbly and I also feel tall… I often try and catch other peoples eye when I walk past to share the ‘good feeling I get’, but not everyone does and sometimes I’d hear myself mutter “rude!” “WTF is wrong?” In reality I don’t know what’s going on for that person, immediately I judged them, their circumstances.. JUDGEMENT of others is something I have noticed I did often. Not only would I judge others, I judged myself on many occasions, so I ‘shared’ my judgement with all.

How smiling affects your brain?
Dopamine, endorphins and serotonin are all released into your bloodstream, making not only your body relax but also work to lower your heart rate and blood pressure! So smiling is a bloody good thing!

Removing judgement is a big step for me to become a more open and in the moment person. In other words get out of head and be present. If you don’t want to smile at me that’s OK, but I think you’ll have a hard time ignoring my bubbly hello! and massive smile.

Next time you are out walking, or here’s a good one, smile to yourself. See how you feel? What do you notice? How does it change your mood?

In a previous post Creating Space I shared a diagram of how we internally represent an event. When you look at the diagram, you will notice that what happens in our mind affects how we show up in the world. Imagine me judging the man that doesn’t smile at me Internally: “You’re rude” Externally: eyes divert, look down, hunched over and ignore him.

Flip that around. Remove any judgement – don’t create scenarios, just smile. Then all I have is the external reaction.

Sometimes my boyfriend says I’m like a Golden Labrador (endearing) because I’m always so chirpy and happy, especially first thing in the morning! This set’s me up for the day 🙂

If I start my day smiling and with a positive physiology, then I’ve set my tone for the day. If I get to share that with someone then power to me!

Set an intention to start the day smiling, firstly at yourself, then at your family, then at others 🙂

Fe XO

What do you believe?

From a young age we start ‘believing’. I don’t mean believing in the Easter Bunny, but we start believing things about ourselves, others and the world. These ‘belief’s start at a very young age. They start by listening, seeing and hearing what is around us.

They can be beliefs like’ we have to go to University to get a job’, ‘my Dad doesn’t love me because he’s never home’, ‘my mum doesn’t love me because she never cuddles me’, ‘you can only be pretty if you have long hair’, ‘you are only a real man if you know about cars’, ‘chocolate makes you fat’, and someone said ‘carbs make you fa’t. Beliefs for us can be endless and they are YOURS. You adopted them. The question is: Do you want keep them?

These beliefs then shape our world. They shape how we show up our days. We start believing these are the truth and reality about the world or about ourselves & others. However, how do we know these to be true? Who says they are true?

Beliefs can work two ways. For us or against us. If they serve us, then that’s good! If these beliefs are limiting us in life, then do you think we need to change these?

Throughout my life I had a belief “That I’m not smart enough” I thought I had to know EVERYTHING about a subject. Now EVERYTHING is pretty broad, and who knows EVERYTHING? How do I know what EVERYTHING is?

The upside of this belief, is that I have an endless thirst for knowledge, I love to learn; read books, attend courses, and listen to podcasts and you tube. The downside is I delayed starting my own business, doubted my knowledge and got stuck in a role that I hated. My belief limited my career and me as a person growing.

WHAT DID I BELIEVE ABOUT THIS BELIEF?

I’ve attached a worksheet so you can have a look at your beliefs…..

Enjoy!

FE XO

Where does your energy go?

I’ve heard this saying a few times of late. Once where I was listening to Tony Robbins podcast, another was in my NLP training and the last when I was scrolling through Pinterest. I sometimes think that when Pinterest brings up a quote then the ‘universe’ is sending me a message. Usually I can relate, other times they don’t!

To show you what I mean, these are the top 4 pins today:

Lemon Keto Dessert – I’ve been searching desserts, so this is in point

Quite ” If you dont get it off your chest youll never be able to breathe” – toatllt rel;atable. Say how you feel.

Quote ” You can forgive someone amd not yet want anything to do with tem. People need to understand that forgiveness is for past reconciliation and not future consideration. HUGE one for me- the past 12 months of hate and trying to forgive 😦

Selectively targetting calves – never wanted to train my calves, but thanks Pinterest for the tips!

Anyway, I digress. So what’s the meaning behind the saying?

  • Energy flows where attention goes. What you focus on grows. Whatever is the focus of attention becomes more prominent. It’s one of those “hidden in plain sight” concepts; almost too obvious for people to fully grasp and consistently apply
  • To get what you really want in life, you need a clear goal that has purpose and meaning behind it. Once this is in place, you can focus your energy on the goal and become obsessive about it. When you learn how to focus your energy, amazing things happen

Setting your intention/ goal, what do you want to achieve? Then working out the steps to achieve this (GOAL SETTING!). Don’t forget these steps have to be exciting for you to keep your energy focused.

What you start to focus on becomes your ‘reality’. You start to live and breathe what you are focusing on. For a long time I focused on a lot of hate and resentment and that my relationship was doomed because I was so caught up on the relationship failing, not improving and all the hate that consumed me. My attention/focus was on my relationship failing.

So how could my relationship survive if all I focused on was failure?

I had to consciously change my focus. I want my relationship to be long lasting & with a stronger connection and clear communication. I want to focus on love, trust and respect (my values). Focusing on WHAT I DO WANT. These ‘goals’ are set in a positive intention, rather than negative. A negative version of the about would be:

“I want to not give up on my relationship and not be as fragile as it is. I don’t want distrust and hate and anger

If we focus all our energy on what we DON’T want, we are are not focusing on what WE DO WANT.

A point is focusing on what you can control. I can’t control what my partner feels, their actions, their thoughts – that’s on them. I can only control my emotions and feelings, actions and what I think and do.

To add to focusing on what you do want. A great example of this is when a goal could be weight loss. Usually I hear this as ” I want to loose weight”. Again this is set as a negative. How this could be a positive is: I want to eat healthier, I want eat more vegetables and fresh foods. I want to sleep more. I want to learn to meditate, and in addition to that . Eating healthy, exercising, good sleep and relaxation = weight loss. So these are ALL positive. Focusing on the what you do want and focusing your attention on these steps is where your energy will go.

Have you go a goal you need help to achieve?

Are you stuck on getting really clear with an outcome and then how to achieve it?

There are some really quick and easy steps to follow book HERE.

FE XO

Pull the Trigger

What is a trigger? It can be an e event, a person, a word, tone of voice, a feeling that ‘sets you off’ it emotionally activates a memory of trauma.

What is trauma “Trauma is the response to a deeply distressing or disturbing event that overwhelms an individual’s ability to cope, causes feelings of helplessness, diminishes their sense of self and their ability to feel the full range of emotions and experiences”

To be completely honest one of my triggers is a person (in fact it’s 2, possibly 3). These people makes my skin heat up I feel like I will physically explode – it brings me rushing back to an event. I fill with anger, and hate. I feel insecure, ugly and have zero self worth. Now I’m sure this person/ people don’t have any idea that their actions have impacted me like this because they have no idea their actions hurt/ affected me. Why? Because I have never confronted them. You know that saying, ‘sweep it under the rug’?


For a while there it was a constant feeling of being triggered. It was forever in my face of what these people did. I questioned so many aspects of my life: me as a whole, my relationship, my friendship circle, my values, my self worth, my strength, my beliefs….

One day I could be feeling on the top of the world, proud of my achievements and who I am, to feeling the lowest of lows.

Over the past few weeks I’ve been doing a bit more work (on me!) and on my reaction to these triggers. I have been taking note of the after affect it has on me, as I am sick of sweeping it under the rug. This event that happened in my life made me question as I said above so much in my life. This was actually involving someone very close to me, someone who should of had my back, who should have never hurt me and did. They made a choice to hurt me. Maybe my expectations were too high? Maybe I thought I deserved better?

Now, will I ever get over what happened? Probably not, but it’s my choice on how I react to the trigger.
I asked myself
“Do you want to feel this way forever?” NO
“Do you have a choice in how you react?” YES
“Am I aware of what triggers me?” HELL YES
“Am I awre of how my body reacts?” SO MANY YESSES

What is underlining for me? ACCEPTANCE, LOVE, RESPECT

All of these values were CRUSHED in this one event.

When I feel overwhelmed with these feelings, I consciously try focus on what is good at the moment. Focus on the positive. Whether it’s my work, health or friendships. I ask myself “Do you want to feel like this?” NO. So what can I focus my attention on? Find something that lights up my soul. Or journal what’s going on. Mediation is a go to for a lot of people, being in the moment and concentrate on your breathing and quieting your mind. Exercise. This is my main go to to clear my head and focus my attention on my breathing and my body.

We can learn how to react to these triggers in our life. AWARENESS is massive, not just how you feel physically but what you are feeling mentally.
Tale control of what you are thinking but using what I mentioned – what can you focus on that is positive? What can you do to move your body? Have that one ‘thing’ you do that fills your cup.

No one has a ‘perfect’ life. No one has the ‘perfect’ relationship. Accepting we are a work of art, and to always work on bettering ourselves and to acknowledge our faults, celebrate our wins, support each other. Don’t hurt each other. Respect others and their opinions or beliefs.

These blogs are just a way for me to share my life, the ups and downs and what I’ve learnt and continually learning about self development.

FE XO

You may enter my world

From as young as I can remember I wanted to fit in. I always thought I was the odd bunny. I suppose I never thought I did fit in. I didn’t know who I was, some days I still wonder.

I never looked like the ‘cool’ girls at school. I had the most beautiful best friend. I felt I was alway in competition with her. She had gorgeous long blonde hair, she was skinny, her house was always neat and tidy, her mum was cool. She had the boys chase her. Maybe it was jealousy, envy or I just had zero confidence and self worth.

Looking back now. The ‘cool’ girls weren’t cool, the were horrible. I had a beautiful group of friends who were funny and supportive and always there. I had lovely hair, I wasn’t ‘fat’ but this was the beginning of some self image issues, I had a nice house, and THE BEST Mum. I had boyfriends…. so where did I get the feeling if not fitting in?

It’s funny how I so badly want to ‘fit in’ or ‘belong’ . In other words to be ACCEPTED. Feeling that I belonged or accepted was and still is a massive need for me. For me to feel I belong, I felt I needed to be like everyone else, where in fact that did not sit well with me internally. I was caught trying to be like everyone else and also wanting my individuality.

I struggled to fit into everyone else’s ‘world’, well I thought I had to fit into theirs. Why couldn’t I just be me and create my own world?

I actually needed to find people like me, rather than thinking about how was I was different. I needed to surround my self with people who had the same values, strengths, hobbies and outlook as me. Although I may add, it is also good to have people challenge you… so don’t get this mixed up with trying to only be with people who agree with you!
This is a good time to point out acceptance of others. Everyone has their own view on the world. Just like you have a view. You see the world through your glasses and as I mentioned in my post Creating Space we see the world through our our own filters. Acknowledgement or validation of someone else’s view will also strengthen acceptance, as well as potentially giving you an insight or understanding of how others see the world.

It seems that society can be so negative. Rather than building people up and complimenting or congratulating people, there can be so much hate, jealousy, tearing people down. When was the last time you said something nice to someone. Or tell your loved ones you loved them?

Back to how each other sees the world. We don’t know how the past has treated each other. You know even a work can trigger someone into feeling insecure, fearful, scared, upset or angry? It can also push them away and distance them from you. An action can have a rippling effect.

Before you start or keep worrying about fitting into someone else’s world. Create your own. Invite who you want to share your world with. Don’t be Simone you’re not m, just to ‘fit’ in. Stick to your beliefs and values.

Don’t be someone you’re not, just to please others. You’ll loose yourself. Trust me, I lost me.

Fe XO

Creating Space

I toyed with the idea of calling this ‘Let It Go’ and despite the fact I then had that bloody Frozen song in my head. It wasn’t about letting go and forgetting about something or ignoring it, it was more about ‘Is this serving me?’

A few years back I went through a good 12-18 months of Self Development. I read numerous books from the self help section, I learned a bit about Numerology, I had several ‘readings’ about where I’m headed, I invested in a Business/ Personal Mentor, and then I discovered NLP through my Mentor. Neuro Linguists Programming.

Neuro = Brain

Linguistic = Language

Programming: Operating System

In a nut shell NLP is about how we as individuals see , feel and communicate in the world and with ourselves through our eyes, experiences, thoughts and emotions. There a great diagram below if you are interested.

Anyway, I did a shit load if work on me. I learnt to understand I was ‘wired’ differently to you. What I think and feel is different to you. and vice versa. What may make you smile, may trigger me and make me sad. You may something that’s funny to you, but may hurt my feelings, because a long time ago some one said the same thing and hurt me.

No one knows what we have been through in our past – unless we take the time to know each other and UNDERSTAND each other.

Lately I’ve been holding onto a lot of anger, resentment, pain, frustration and really shit energy. Because a few events have triggered some emotions for me. The feeling of worthlessness, unloved, unwanted, token trust, distance… just to name a few.

This started to consume me. Most of my waking moments were spent thinking about all the crap, and then the ‘what if’s’, you know those stories we make up? I’d had enough of projecting all this negativity. So two choices really. Keep being as I am or change.

I was listening to Tony Robbins podcast and he said “ Change your State, change your story” . Pretty good advice really.

Firstly, I had to go for a run. I had to change everything about my current situation. I had to open my lungs, stretch my legs, and I actually cried. I finally had to release a build up of pressured emotions. In that moment it was a relief. It’s like shaking a bottle of coke and then opening the lid!

I felt free. I felt like I’d dumped all (well most of it!) my luggage in the bin. Now don’t get me wrong, all that negative has not left me, I just have more of a control how I let it affect me.

Creating Space. I created more room for positive energy, for loving me, accepting me and really understanding we all have our own shit to deal with and we all cope in different ways.

Each day has it’s challenges, but it’s my choice how I let it affect me.

Do you need to create space?

What are you holding onto that is not making you the best version of you?

How will you create the space you need?

Do you need help unpacking the luggage to create your space?

There’s a great tool I used, which I can share with you. Drop me an email metamorphosisbecomingyou@outlook.com

FE XO

Resilience

I was on a phone call today and someone called me ‘Resilient’. I had just finished sharing a story about Comp Prep last year and the ups and downs, the challenges, the loneliness, the shit times, the good times, the struggles and the wins.
Life can throw you a curve ball when you least expect it and in situations when you thought you’d be 100% supported, to people not. To our current situation of having to suck it up, make adjustments, have a growth mindset (ie be willing to adapt and make change) and acceptance.

Resilient- the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness

Initially I was a little shocked as I had never thought of myself as resilient. I thought “Jeeze I’ve had some sh!t situations” ‘What did I deserve to get that?”

Then I said “Thank You, Yes I am” I have gotten through each obstacle and over come some major shit, as have most of us. This can range from deaths, divorces, breakups, illness, accidents, world events, financial loss, trauma, job loss, toxic people… the list is endless. And the list will be different for everyone.
It’s how you come out the other side. I am so much more aware of my potential and abilities, my confidence has grown, I am more aware of the toxic people around me and their projection of their own insecurities.

Some people will put you down, because they only want the attributes you posses. They envy your ability to achieve a goal. They envy your determination and loyalty. Don’t let them stop you!

What you may find a hardship, someone may see as golden opportunity for change. And I guess that is what I did.

Have you ever been in a situation where you just want something so badly you make that your focus? You so badly want to acheieve high marks in an exam- you will put your heart and soul into it?

You so badly want to travel overseas so you sacrifice going out with your friends and buying the latest Iphone.

Have you wanted to commit to being healthy, yet all your friends hassle you because you don’t want to drink and eat burgers.

But you pushed through and achieved what you wanted to achieve? You put up with the backlash and the negative comments and the sacrifices? You were resilient.

Stay strong on your goals. Make sure they are aligned to you. Focus on the end. Have a support crew if you can.. even if it’s just that one person who believes in you and backs you. Remove the toxic people from your life. Focus on YOU!

FE XO

You don’t always need to be busy…. or do we?

With so much time on our hands is there a need to always be busy? Do we HAVE to fill in every moment? Taking out those who have to work from home, because yes you do!

For so long I’ve always felt the need to be busy. I felt guilty for the time I spent enjoying reading or as I said in my last post going to the gym. I felt this enormous pressure on myself to be BUSY.
I’m sure there is an explanation about this and the expectations I put on myself.
This seems to be the time where we can actually do the tasks/jobs/projects that we usually say “I don’t have time for that now”. Like doing a puzzle, how many posts on Facebook have I seen about people doing puzzles, or starting DIY projects at home, or god forbid…spending time with the kids – teaching them to ride a bike.

One thing I love seeing when I am walking is the amount of parents with their children- on bike or scooters. Makes you wonder what hey did before all this free time?

How many kids are actually spending quality time with Mum and Dad?.. and their brother’s and sister’s!

But going back to the title. You don’t always need to be doing something. I’ll be the first to admit I am an Energiser Bunny (with a cute fluffy tail! 😉 ) I come home from work: train, organise dinner, put washing on or away, tidy up, feed the dog or walk the dog, cook dinner, clean up….then I know I can stop at 8pm! I even caught myself the other night wishing it was 8.30pm so I could go to sleep! Serious? What story did I tell myself as some point in my life that I needed to wait until 8.30pm to go lay down? I clearly learnt that from somehere.

Good Friday, bearing in mind I was not in a great state of mind. I’d been for a run, but in my head I was like it’s a gorgeous day you need or should be doing something – my boyfriend was working so what ‘right’ did I have to be chilling on the couch reading? Actually EVERY SINGLE RIGHT!

So I gave in and spent the day reading and the occasional nap.

What have you done in the past few weeks that you’ve always wanted to do? Was it a DIY project? Clean the oven? Tidy up the bloody Tupperware drawer? Clean out your clothes you haven’t work for a year? Paint a room?

For as much as this time is ‘not our normal’ way of life, it’s our way of life for now. See the silver lining and start something you have wanted to do for months “I don’t have the time’, spend the time with the kids.

I’d love to hear what sort of projects or jobs or anything that you are doing to fill in the time at home, especially the parts when you’re not always busy.
Like laying on the couch, taking a bath, enjoying a book… and just being? Enjoying a coffee in the sun. Stop and breathe.

This blog is not saying start your projects and get all your sh!t done, but do things you love to do and have put off. Do things that also fill your cup.

Fe XO

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