Pull the Trigger

What is a trigger? It can be an e event, a person, a word, tone of voice, a feeling that ‘sets you off’ it emotionally activates a memory of trauma.

What is trauma “Trauma is the response to a deeply distressing or disturbing event that overwhelms an individual’s ability to cope, causes feelings of helplessness, diminishes their sense of self and their ability to feel the full range of emotions and experiences”

To be completely honest one of my triggers is a person (in fact it’s 2, possibly 3). These people makes my skin heat up I feel like I will physically explode – it brings me rushing back to an event. I fill with anger, and hate. I feel insecure, ugly and have zero self worth. Now I’m sure this person/ people don’t have any idea that their actions have impacted me like this because they have no idea their actions hurt/ affected me. Why? Because I have never confronted them. You know that saying, ‘sweep it under the rug’?

For a while there it was a constant feeling of being triggered. It was forever in my face of what these people did. I questioned so many aspects of my life: me as a whole, my relationship, my friendship circle, my values, my self worth, my strength, my beliefs….

One day I could be feeling on the top of the world, proud of my achievements and who I am, to feeling the lowest of lows.

Over the past few weeks I’ve been doing a bit more work (on me!) and on my reaction to these triggers. I have been taking note of the after affect it has on me, as I am sick of sweeping it under the rug. This event that happened in my life made me question as I said above so much in my life. This was actually involving someone very close to me, someone who should of had my back, who should have never hurt me and did. They made a choice to hurt me. Maybe my expectations were too high? Maybe I thought I deserved better?

Now, will I ever get over what happened? Probably not, but it’s my choice on how I react to the trigger.
I asked myself
“Do you want to feel this way forever?” NO
“Do you have a choice in how you react?” YES
“Am I aware of what triggers me?” HELL YES
“Am I awre of how my body reacts?” SO MANY YESSES

What is underlining for me? ACCEPTANCE, LOVE, RESPECT

All of these values were CRUSHED in this one event.

When I feel overwhelmed with these feelings, I consciously try focus on what is good at the moment. Focus on the positive. Whether it’s my work, health or friendships. I ask myself “Do you want to feel like this?” NO. So what can I focus my attention on? Find something that lights up my soul. Or journal what’s going on. Mediation is a go to for a lot of people, being in the moment and concentrate on your breathing and quieting your mind. Exercise. This is my main go to to clear my head and focus my attention on my breathing and my body.

We can learn how to react to these triggers in our life. AWARENESS is massive, not just how you feel physically but what you are feeling mentally.
Tale control of what you are thinking but using what I mentioned – what can you focus on that is positive? What can you do to move your body? Have that one ‘thing’ you do that fills your cup.

No one has a ‘perfect’ life. No one has the ‘perfect’ relationship. Accepting we are a work of art, and to always work on bettering ourselves and to acknowledge our faults, celebrate our wins, support each other. Don’t hurt each other. Respect others and their opinions or beliefs.

These blogs are just a way for me to share my life, the ups and downs and what I’ve learnt and continually learning about self development.

FE XO